Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Shutting It Down

This is going to be the last post on God, me and poker. It's been a great run. The thing is, my path is pulling me further and further away from what this was. I can't reconcile these two parts of my life anymore. Poker (or at least the pursuit of money or fame) is meaning less and less in my life these days. It's hard to write about what's going on with me anymore in this vehicle.

I really think if anything this was a transitory blog. One that got me over the hump from being a using addict to establishing a relationship with God to that becoming something so much bigger. I just feel like hanging out here, while it's kind of a cute name and what not is really not what I'M about anymore or want to be about.

I want to be a true follower of Jesus. I want to be able to pick up my cross and follow Him. I want to give everything away to the poor. I want to live the life of a humble servant of Him. I think that He loves me no matter what. The problem is that I don't feel that I am showing Him enough love and respect.

This venue makes it easy for me to fall back into the "Well, I'm a new Christ follower and whatnot so you have to give me a break." It's not like that anymore. I was baptized and made a public declaration that I'm living my life for Him. I don't want to be constantly using the excuse that I'm at most a casual fan of Jesus.

With all that said look for a new blog from me. One that is more where I'm going than where I've been. Thanks for everyone that has been kind and gracious enough to read my ramblings on here. God bless you for all the wonderful comments. I really feel that I have made some true friends with this.

I think that now is the time to kick it up a notch. I think that's what Christ wants from me. I think that's what I owe him. To really serve him with my actions and not just easy words that fall off my lips. I'm praying that God makes me an instrument of his to sow goodness into this world. At least my little part of it.

Jesus, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to live a different life from the one that I was heading. Please use me to further Your work on this earth. Help me to keep falling in love with Your Word. Let me be Your hands, Your eyes, Your mouth. Allow me to be an example of what's right in this world and not what's wrong. I know You know that I am far from perfect. Let my imperfections show to other's how we can live a life of Grace, Lord. Please bless all the people that have stopped through here and I hope that they at least saw a small reflection of You in me. Amen.

12 comments:

T.C. Porter said...

Paul: Wow, this is strong and honest. A public display of repentance! Wow, wow.

I Whisper to God said...

Shutting it down completely? I understand what you're saying, but can you not make one final entry here and move on to your new blog. That way people can see the power of God and how He saves and changes us?

Just my two cents.

Thanks for sharing your journey brutha. I truly enjoyed watching you grow.

Lori

bub said...

Lori: Do you mean like a "I'm over here now, come check me out?" Absolutely. Or did you mean something else?

I Whisper to God said...

Yes, I think your last entry should be an introduction to where you have landed. The new and improved you, if you will.

And I was also hoping that you leave the blog up for readers. Even though you no longer continue to post. I think there is tremendous growth here that needs to be shared.

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Kevin Brangwynne said...

Bub...looking forward to the new blog. You're a great writer and I always look forward to your views on things. Seems that God has been stirring some stuff up in your life of late and that you're doing your best to follow His lead, even though you're a bit like me and not a big fan of change. Good on you, if God is leading you to break from the status quo, there's most likely a reason! May He bless you as you continue to move forward in your relationship with Him. Make sure to "tweet" and let me know when the new blog is up brother!

Kevin

P.S. Having the opportunity to stand with you as you were Baptized, was truly one of the high points of my life! Thanks for that!

Lise said...

Bub,

This is an amazing post. I was bummed that you had stopped writing; now I know why. Please let us know your new blog address and when you're up and running.

Lise

Brenda said...

Oh wow, I haven't checked in on you for quite awhile since you weren't blogging much. I was sad to read you were shutting down the blog, but excited that you'll start a new one. Like you said to me... HURRY! Lol, I agree with some of these other comments, I really enjoy your writing and often learn something. It touches my heart to hear how God is working in you and excited that you were baptized. Do you have pictures of that to post? Be sure to let me know your new blog address. Keep in touch!

candidchatter said...

Love this! Where is your new blog Mister Bub?

Heidi

Darkfox said...

http://conflictedegos.blogspot.com/

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Ali Kayne said...

RIGHT ON!!!!! i love how honest you are. good luck doing whatever comes next. :) God Bless.