Turkey Day

It's about 3:30 in the morning as I'm typing this. I have the in laws in my room, Faith is at her daddy's and Letty and I were sleeping in Faith's room. Looking forward to having Letty's family over for the holiday. They are really great people who are fun to be around even if I don't understand half of what is said when everyone starts speaking Spanish.

I've been crazy busy with work the last couple of weeks, I really needed a twenty four break. I was so tired yesterday afternoon I could barely move. It's been nice for us to have the extra money, we could use it. I'm grateful to not be sweating the bills, especially around this time of the year.

I haven't had much time for poker at all. A sit n go here and there and that's been about it. I'm getting ready to play an MTT in about 10 minutes. The bankroll on pokerstars has been hanging around the mid $30's. I'd love to final table a larger tournament and build it up a little further so I can move up in stakes. It's been hard to stay disciplined and play within my bankroll. I've been doing it though.

Here's hoping everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving. I'm grateful for all the wonderful friends that I have made this year. I'm grateful that my walk with God has gotten stronger and more defined. I'm grateful that God has shown me how He takes care of me, even when I feel I am at my most helpless and vulnerable. I'm grateful that all of my relationships have become stronger because I have the confidence that Someone has got my back. I'm grateful that I can just do what's in front of me and leave the results up to Him. I'm grateful to not have to be in control anymore, that I surrender everything to Him.

Thank You Jesus for making Your presence felt stronger in my life than ever before. Thank You for delivering me from my brokenness by Your grace. Thank You for seeing through all of my flaws and loving me in spite of them. Let me remain awed by Your presence so that I remain grateful for all of the beautiful things that You have given and are giving me. Through You my Lord, who all great things are given. Amen.

Shoe fly, shoe!

I bought some shoes for someone who needs them. It reminds me of that Steve Miller song. It only cost me $5 and it got someone two pairs of shoes. Or maybe two people one pair of shoes. You could do it to. Help people. Here's how. Click on the banner below.




You'll feel better. So will someones feet. God bless.

Playing my guitar

It feels good to be playing my guitar. I probably should be sleeping. I did nap for about 4 hours earlier so I can probably get away with it. I have this new song that I'm working on that's coming together nicely. It's based on this verse of the bible.

The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. - Matthew 8:8.

It's something that we said ad infinitum in Catholic Mass back when I was a kiddo. It starts of slowly and softly....

D/f#

Lord I'm not worthy

G

To receive you

D/f#

But only say the word, Lord

G

And I shall be healed

Bm

I get down on my knees

A
I'm giving everything

E

I'm crying at your feet

G D/F#

So cleanse me

It sounds pretty cool to me. I recorded it a couple of weeks ago but I haven't found a way to change it from being a one kind of a file to another kind of file. Grrrr.

My anniversary is today but my love is away at work. I bought her some candy and got her a card after I got off of work this morning. Not just any candy, mind you. Good n Plenty and bubu lubu. Her FAVORITES. Because that's what a man does on his anniversary. He tries to remember what the heck his woman likes and provides her with it. Thank God she's a simple woman. If she loved diamonds and caviar I might be in a little trouble.

In my family I've always been the best card picker. Probably because of having the heart of an artist or whatever they call it these days. Here's the card that I got her, not my words, the card's words but definitely my sentiments.

For My Wife

There are so many things

I love about you.

I love the way your face lights up

When you laugh.

I love knowing that

I can still make you smile.

I love the way you bring out the best in me

And won't let me settle for anything less.

I love the gentle ways you have

Of smoothing out a long day's rough edges.

I love the feeling of contentment

that comes from beginning and ending

each day with you.

Everything you do...

Everything you are....

Everything we have together.

That's what I love...now and always.

Happy Anniversary

Isn't that a great card? Like I said, I can pick 'em.

I can pick wives pretty well also. I love you baby, happy anniversary, hugs and kisses!!!!!!

Wednesday Words #10?

Let's see, where to begin? I'm not sure. I'm a little pooped right now. I picked up another job. I don't know if picked up is the right words. More along the lines of went back. I went back to the place I used to manage as a sales person for six hours a day Monday through Friday. It was somewhat humbling but everyone was cool with me so there wasn't any major hassles. It's just getting used to working 70 hours a week (although 30 of them aren't physically hard, just mentally). Doesn't leave much time for poker playing or blogging though.

Hardly any reading either. Sorry if I haven't been by your blog in a few days. It's really hard for me to even want to look at the computer screen when I know I should be sleeping. Hopefully I'll only have to do this for a few months until we get past Christmas and all the kid's birthdays.

One thing that I have been reading is Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What. What an awesome book that is. This guy recommended it to me and it hasn't disappointed. It's confirmed a lot of the things I have been feeling and thinking about God and Jesus but wasn't really finding. Except at Journey (my church) which I think really makes an effort if not to be left of right at least doesn't treat you like a pariah. That's really appreciated.

That's about all from me today. Maybe I will go and look for a SOTW for y'all. Maybe I will just sit here and quietly play my poker tournament. Maybe I will welcome my wife home with open arms and just love on her. Who knows?

Wednesday Words

My week of non poker playing officially is over tonight. It hasn't been that bad actually. I've been reading a lot more. What sucks is I haven't been feeling physically that great this week. I went to the Doctor on Sunday and discovered that I had high blood pressure (hypertension).

Not really a discovery. I've known it. I've just ignored it. I'm definitely like the ostrich that sticks his head in the sand. If I don't pay attention or can't see it then I can't be hurt by it. It's why I haven't gone for a physical in 20 years. What I don't know can't hurt me.

I know that this isn't true. I know that if I continue to live my life like that there will be a day of reckoning. Maybe that's what I'm trying to avoid. I like eating what I want to eat. Being lazy as I want to be. I can live like that. If I want to deal with the consequences.

The greatest motivator in my life is that I'm a coward. When doing drugs and drinking actually began to look like it was killing me, I was able to quit. Same with cigarettes. I've quit a lot of the things that were killing me. I think now is the time to start.

It's time to start taking care of myself. It's time to start eating healthier. It's time to start exercising. It's time to start going to the doctor and taking his recommendations. What's funny is that it's been harder for me to START these things than it was to QUIT the others.

I lived my life from the time I was 15 years old to middle age like I was invincible. Now that my body is letting me know that my mortality is oh so real I don't know how to do a lot of things that I never worried about before. I don't know how to eat right. I have no clue how to start exercising. I don't know about going to a doctor unless I need to go to the emergency room.

I'm going to have to learn about discipline. Thank God that he has put some discipline in my life. Her name is Letty. I used to pride myself on the fact that I was a hedonist. It's definitely not as appealing to my 40 year old self as it was to my 20 or 30 year old self.

Once again, I'm taking baby steps. The doc put me on high blood pressure medication. I'm taking it as prescribed. It's kinda kicking my ass. I feel tired all the time. I'm hoping that I catch my second wind soon. The last few days I haven't done much but lay or sit around the house watching election stuff. Even a cup of 7/11 coffee isn't getting me moving. I probably shouldn't be drinking it anyway. Sigh.

I didn't know that this post was going to end up being a post on the state of my well being. I guess it's something that I need to talk about. Probably pray about, right?

Lord, thank You so much for taking me from the depths of my addictions and giving me a new start in life. Help me to honor Your grace and Your mercy by taking care of this precious vessel that you have given me to live inside. Help me to understand what a gift my life is and that I shouldn't waste it with my own sloth and apathy. Let me be an example of how You use the least of Your servants to be the greatest of Your testimonies. Not that I should be great Father, but that through You my life may help and touch others and lead them to You. Amen.

Shameless Contest Grab

As you all know, I dig Phil Wickham. He's kinda like the Ryan Adams of Christian rock. He's having a contest which includes me posting his live version of "True Love" right here on this ol' blog. No worries. Done. Great version of this song.




I also have to link to his blog. Here ya go: http://philwickham.com/blog . Wish me luck! Oh, and whatever you do, don't enter this contest yourself! LOL Just kidding.

SOTW #9

I was searching for a song that maybe can help all of us heal after tomorrow. I know that lots of words and accusations have been shot back and forth over our ramparts in the last couple of weeks. It's amazing how we as Christ Followers are so quick to take up verbal sticks and stones against each other.

The truth is we are one. I think Ed said it well yesterday in his message. I think that I feel like I am one of those on the fringe of the place I call my spiritual home and need to jump in. As hard as that is for a guy that prides himself on his individualism. Most of the time I DO think it's, "Jesus and me" and not everyone else. I think one of the questions he asked, and I'm paraphrasing, I don't have my notes so bear with me, "Can you be a Christ follower and not participate in church?" Or maybe it was a good Christ follower. I can't remember.

I don't know the answer to that question, to be honest. A lot of the Christians that I have met that don't go to church regularly strike me as kind of kookie. Like too much analysis of something without any other perspective but your own is probably not a good thing. We need to hear and appreciate other's takes on things in order to be able to refine and hone what we believe. That seems to be what has been working for me.

The next paragraph I was going to write was about how other things keep me at arm's length from my church. Politics, values, lifestyles, how they keep a wall up between me and others that profess to believe the same way as me. How can I be a part of something that a lot of times I'm at odds with.

The truth is that the only thing that keeps me at arm's length is myself. Oh, and the evil one. He will use whatever tool he can to draw a wedge between me and God. Even my own self righteousness. There's a saying in NA about looking for the similarities and not the differences when we as addicts go to our meetings. I think the same holds true when I go to church. I HAVE to look for what binds us together as Christ Followers and not what separates us as fallible, broken, imperfect human beings. That in the end we all are one. When it is all said and done it IS one love, one life.

So I raise my glass of delicious water (about all I can drink around the house now that I found out about my high blood pressure) to us coming together as One. A great start would be joining Carlos at Ragamuffin Soul as we Pray Backwards at 6:30pm PST. I'm going to try and stay awake and partake before I head off to work. I need to pray and release all of the conflicting emotions I've had over the last week up to God.

Oh yeah, the song! Cool video also. U2 has been one of the bands that throughout the years has kept me close to God when I have strayed so far away from Him. Like shepherds, they found me and carried me back to the rest of the flock. My first divorce it was The Joshua Tree, when my mom was passing away it was All That You Can't Leave Behind. As far as profoundly influencing my life and the way I think about things, U2 would have to be the band that has made the most impact on me. I'm not sure where I would have been without them.

So without further ado or to do...



One

by U2

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame

You say...
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night

One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it's... Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to Carry each other
Carry each other
One...

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got

We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again

You say Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to Carry each other
Carry each other
One...life
One